(no subject)

[botias]

On the way to Portland the other day I was thinking about how I'm not very good at being friends, especially with other females. One problem that I'm aware of is that I tend to hook up with people who are more needy than I am; I feel safer that way. Insecurity: the root of many evils. Unfortunately, this very neediness inevitably drives me off sooner or later, hurting their feelings and making me feel guilty and lame. I think that's part of why I get along with guys better. They are less demanding in a lot of ways and a much better fit for my 'No really, I'd just as soon go to the bathroom by myself' personality. I'm also not a social person in general. To what extent I don't like socializing because I'm not good at it and am uncomfortably aware of it, and to what extent is just my nature, I do not know. I often feel like I should be more social when I think about it, but I doubt I will ever again make any efforts in this direction unless I feel a genuine desire for company. (Isn't there some pop-psych thing about 'shoulding' on yourself?) That's part of why I want to move closer to family. I enjoy hanging with a small number of people I'm very close to and I'm looking forward to being able to do this more often. What with having such a compatible mate from a very young age, I really haven't had much incentive to 'meet people' or polish my social skills. I'd be completely clueless if I were single which seems a little silly for a 28-year-old. I guess I would read back issues of Cosmo and do the best I could. Of course, at this stage I guess I would be a single parent, which I understand is the kiss of death, so maybe my only concern as a single woman would be which dildo was right for me. Cosmo could probably help with that too.