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It's 2 AM. I rip off the foil seal with my teeth and spit it casually to one side. It lands in my lap, but I'm too busy drinking, driving and falling off the wagon to care. Heartburn woke me up at 1 and I decide that a trip to the store might be more sensible than staying up 'til 4 like I did a few nights ago. Tums and chocolate milk seem just the thing. It's apparently traditional to send Alan out on such occasions, and I have no doubt he would go, but I'm wide awake already and decide that I have other, better uses for him.
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