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botiasI read Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray lately.
I thought the book was fascinating. I quite recommend it. I especially found the discussion of divorce interesting. I'm a romantic, but I have been uncomfortable with the notion of 'til death do you part' for quite some time. In most cases it is dishonest in modern society. Few people would stay with someone with whom they were absolutely miserable merely to keep such a vow, and know as much even as they make it. So what then? As long as our love shall last? Until you become born again and announce your intention to pursue missionary work in central Africa? We refer guests to section II paragraph g of our prenup? Leave out discussion of duration entirely? I think I like that last option.
- People like to get married. Humans are monogamous by nature. Even the best-intentioned and most dedicated inhabitants of free love communes found themselves pairing up. So don't expect marriage to go away any time soon.
- People like to have affairs. (Monogamy and sexual fidelity are not the same thing technically speaking.) Men and women do so in roughly equal numbers (obviously since it takes two to tango) even in cultures where such behavior is harshly punished. In many cultures affairs are accepted, but not openly spoken of because people tend to be sexually possessive.
- Most people get divorced. A few times. This whole 'til death do you part thing' is a relatively new phenom in human history, coinciding with agriculture. Used to be, and in many parts of the world still today, divorce is accomplished by moving the freshly minted ex's belongings to another campfire. Land ownership and large scale agriculture ties couples together. So does inequality among the sexes. The more women are equal to men in their ability to support themselves the more divorce there is.
- Divorce peaks in year 4. Yes, 4 not 7 or 20. Just long enough to raise a child out of infancy.
- The pregnant teen is somewhat an artifact of industrialized life. In pre-industrial cultures, girls don't begin to menstruate until their late teens and are often allowed to freely exercise their sexuality until that time.
- Broadly, there are two types of romantic love: attraction and attachment, each with distinctive brain chemistry associated. Attraction bears marked resemblance to some kinds of mental illness, and for this reason it might be just as well that it generally passes somewhere between 2 minutes and 18 months, never lasting longer than 3 years. Attachment can last a lot longer.
- Anthropological definition of marriage: A relationship within which sex and the bearing of children is sanctioned and encouraged by the society.
I thought the book was fascinating. I quite recommend it. I especially found the discussion of divorce interesting. I'm a romantic, but I have been uncomfortable with the notion of 'til death do you part' for quite some time. In most cases it is dishonest in modern society. Few people would stay with someone with whom they were absolutely miserable merely to keep such a vow, and know as much even as they make it. So what then? As long as our love shall last? Until you become born again and announce your intention to pursue missionary work in central Africa? We refer guests to section II paragraph g of our prenup? Leave out discussion of duration entirely? I think I like that last option.
