Feed her cat instead. Please!!

[botias]

I read romance novels. I used to read them a lot. Now generally, I would rather write porn. But, I used to like reading the sexy bits--I like sexy bits--but something's gone wrong. I crack a modern romance novel now with a vague feeling of dread. These two crazy kids are going to have sex. I just know it. And I'm going to have to watch. EWWW!!!

I think it's because we've moved to this proud place culturally and as feminists where sexuality is not... significant. It's healthy/fun/imaginative/mind-blowing, but whether they do it or not doesn't mean anything. They are deeply attracted therefore they will hump like bunnies and have lots of orgasms. That's great for RL, but it's _death_ in fiction. The sex has all the emotional significance of feeding someone's cat when they are away on vacation. Frankly, I would rather watch them do that cuz romance novels haven't upped the porn ante to make up for the lack of emotional umph.

ETA: watched The Two Towers last night. Forget the cat feeding, watching Orlando Blum kill things gets me hot. Felled again by pale hair and a body count.

Comments

[mere-ubu.livejournal.com]

I'm with ya'. I haven't read romance novels in a long time, but I remember the sex being pretty ho-hum. I think you get a lot more, heh, bang for your buck from well-written fic.

Mmm, Orlando. I remember that when I first saw The Fellowship of the Ring in theatrical release, I had not yet started watching Buffy, and my first thought upon seeing him was, "Hey, is that that Spike guy?" *facepalm* I'm actually more of an Aragorn girl, but I appreciate all the tasty men in those movies. Rawr. Also? JM would have made a much better Celeborn than the Eurotrash-lookin' guy they used. Sheesh.

[botias.livejournal.com]

There are sooo many tasty men in those movies. I think Faramir is my actual fav. I am a huge geek and watched all the hours of commentary and I remember that one of the female producers regretted that they didn't have room for Arwen's brothers in the film as that would have meant even more spectacularly beautiful men wandering around.

[mere-ubu.livejournal.com]

Ooh! *hands* Me too! I have severe LOTR damage. (But not Lotor. Heh. Yet.) I've watched endless hours of commentary and documentaries on digital editing and weapons manufacture and stuff that should be less interesting than watching paint dry, but they make it all so fascinating. I heart those movies so much.

Big yes to Faramir. I have a terrible weakness for men with his coloring AND he looks a little like David Duchovny, which is never a minus in my book. You can really tell that women had a big hand in the casting and production of those films.

[botias.livejournal.com]

Oooohhh, Faramir does look a little like David Duchovny; he is like the beautiful love child of David Duchovny and Richard Gere. Oooohhhh Faramir... I'm sure the horse princess thanks the good Lord every night that Aragorn turned her down.

Yes, I watched allll the documentaries, and allll the commentaries. The people working on this movie loved it so much you could tell, and that helped make it interesting I'm sure. Only the actor commentary was a little eh. The poor actors were like: "Wow, it was cold that day, but do you remember those little rolls at the lunch buffet? And may I say what an incredible honor it was to work with that guy, he just nailed every scene he was in. 110% every time." The actors worked very hard and loved the film too, I know, but they definitely seemed more out of the loop than anyone else.

Yes, I would heartily endorse JM for most any of the Beautiful Man roles in teh film.

Yet, indeed. I'm up to 22 pages now on Shame.doc. Can't decide whether to post or wait 'til I am done or just hide in Shame.

[bendy1.livejournal.com]

I vote post it *waits*

[botias.livejournal.com]

Hah! Little did you know, this is about all the encouragement I need...

[bendy1.livejournal.com]

*encourages*

Cartoon supervillain porn is my crack.

[botias.livejournal.com]

*girds loins*

He can't fly... I'm just warning you here. At least not very far, kind of like a chicken.

[mere-ubu.livejournal.com]

I second! Why deprive us any longer? We can all descend en masse into shame.

[botias.livejournal.com]

Sounds like fun actually. :D

I will see what I can scrape together for my beta.

[mere-ubu.livejournal.com]

Shameful LOTR dork question: Do you ever find yourself looking at men and cataloguing them in terms of which realm of Middle Earth you'd assign them to if you were casting LOTR extras? *hides face* 'Cause I do! *runs away*

[botias.livejournal.com]

I have found myself thinking: "Is he pretty enough to be an elf or would he just have to be a Beautiful Man?" Does that count? :|

[mere-ubu.livejournal.com]

Works for me! :D

*sigh* I may have to go watch the "Home of the Horse Lords" documentary again now. . .

[beanbeans.livejournal.com]

Frankly, I would rather watch them do that cuz romance novels haven't upped the porn ante to make up for the lack of emotional umph.

Yep, me too- reading is all about the emotional umph now.

I also think it has something to do with becoming a writer of such moments- when you starting thinking critically about how your characters get to the sex scene emotionally, you start thinking critically about how OTHER people are getting their characters to that moment. And for me, if the emotional center isn't there, then the sex is pfft. And yes, we've had this convo on IM many times before, but it still bears repeating. :D

I'll never be able to write true PWP; it feels like it is just pieces and parts. I want the emotional weight! Which may be why we both have a thing for deflowering stories, both in fandom and in romance novels- because the moment is IMPORTANT. Maybe. Ahem.

*runs away*

[botias.livejournal.com]

Emotional umph rules!! *makes banner*

Yes!! That is so true, and I'm sure you're right that that is why the deflowering stories. My brain immediately goes to the naughty AU virgin!fic place. William and Spike are twin brothers in love with the same lovely innocent blond...

[appomattoxco.livejournal.com]

Historical romance is where to find the emotional umph for me. Finding a good one sort of like finding a good fic on ff.net, though. You have to know the authors. A bad one can be scrub my brain awful.

[botias.livejournal.com]

I used to like Amanda Quick quite a lot. I still like the historicals that Elizabeth Lowell wrote. She's moved on to romantic suspense now.

Amanda Quick aka Jayne Ann Krentz is the writer that inspired this post, though it's not the first time I've had this experience with an author I used to love.

[appomattoxco.livejournal.com]

Amanda Quick is ok, but not always great. Mary Balogh's non "Simply" novels and Laura Kinsale and Carla Kelly when I'm in a hurt/comfort mood are good. CK has almost no sex in the books I've read but they can make me cry.

[bendy1.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Sigh. My crack fics have ruinated most normal chick lit for me :D

[botias.livejournal.com]

Why not go right for the source and skip the stuff that's been put through the mass market shredder sez I.

I have asked beanbeans co-write with you the story of Richard Gere and David Duchovny's beautiful love child mentioned above. Beans has already got the title figured out, a sci-fi theme apparently.

[bendy1.livejournal.com]

Only if DD turns out to be really really evil and RG is trying hard to be a hero *faceplants*

[botias.livejournal.com]

LOL That works. DD would do really really evil really really well I think.

Sorry, I still can't think of the ballad of Booby and his prison love without a wistful tear. :)

[bendy1.livejournal.com]

It was EPIC *tear*

[morgantree.livejournal.com]

Agreed on all counts!

But botias...angel, darlin', sweetums... what's going on with Perspehone?

Are you stalled? Lost interest? Would a file of your compiled story with notes on all the things I love and everything that provoked thought and amazement help get you going again? 'Cuz I can do that.

* bats eyelashes *

[botias.livejournal.com]

'Cuz I can do that.

I think that would help, yes. :| *waits*

Just for you, sweet pea, honey cakes... sugar pie, I outlined Chapter 11 today. :D

[botias.livejournal.com]

Would a file of your compiled story with notes on all the things I love and everything that provoked thought and amazement help get you going again?

This, what you've teased me with here: is a writer's wet dream. I have no guilt at all for anything my fics do to you now. >:D

[morgantree.livejournal.com]

And what exactly is this "Shame" of which I have hear tell, hmmmmm? Would I likes it, my precious?

[botias.livejournal.com]

Hah! If you look on my journal and scan down a few entries you will start to see pics/vids/confessions about my new bad boy. Oh the Shame. I think I will be posting some fic in not too long.