I'm a ticking time bomb!! or Someone Is Wrong on the Internet!

[botias]

Re: attachment parenting:

Third, it forces a woman to subordinate her life to her child's. While that sounds ethical to many people, it's actually awful from a feminist standpoint. Not only is motherhood the oldest and most well-established traditional anti-feminist gender role, but giving up things that one enjoys for the sake of one's children can lead to identity crises, resentment, and psychological issues down the line. It's just a terrible idea.

Expect me to plummet off the rails very soon! XD It seems that attachment parenting is as bad as taking up smoking. Darn stuff should come with a label! It did save my third sprog's little nekkid, helpless, infant life though. No amount of cubicle dwelling or reading trashy novels will ever be as useful as that. I can't imagine what might happen psychologically to someone who gave up their job or leisure time to care for an ailing or dying parent though. And in the absence of robots, I have to wonder if it's only affluent Americans who are too psychologically exquisite for caregiving. Presumably its OK for immigrants and minimum wage earners.

Comments

[zanthinegirl.livejournal.com]

::shakes head::

[botias.livejournal.com]

I know!

[petzipellepingo.livejournal.com]

"heads desk repeatedly"

[botias.livejournal.com]

*inserts cushion* ;)

[empresspatti.livejournal.com]

I have no idea what AP is. My style could be described as: Whining is punishable by death, do it yourself, be nice, pitch in. STILL - I have been a television executive and a stay at home Mom.

The tv career was a breeze compared to how hard it is to care for kids, Parents and everyone else that needs it. I know it isn't everyone's cup of tea. I've taken a lot of pride in my ability to both financially and emotionally support my family as needed. Plus, since when I was working Mr W stayed home, we are both past Tarzan/Jane ideas of who does what with kids or home chores. We both understand how much effort it takes.

I don't know what's worse, the career driven uncaring parent or the way too concerned helicopter parent. Seems to me that both make a miserable family dynamic.

As for feminist/anti feminist - we'll be free of all that when we let women do whatever the hell they want to without judging. I'm also not a fan of competitive parenting. I tend to snore when I hear "my kid never gets sugar/spoke french at birth" etc.

Wow! I has too much coffee this am.

[botias.livejournal.com]

Word word. Whining is punishable by death... I need a sign with that on it! Possibly embroidered w/ flowers. These rules are all mine as well. AP is a parenting style designed to foster a strong [biological] attachment between parent and sprog and thereby make everything else a bit easier, discipline, etc. For the infant stage sleeping very near, breastfeeding and baby wearing are suggested practices.

I tend to snore when I hear "my kid never gets sugar/spoke french at birth"

*snickers*

[kassto.livejournal.com]

Agree with ALL of this, Empress. Though I haven't been a TV exec. ;-)

Some women, very intense feminists, I think are very frightened of anything to do with domesticity, and think that if you CHOOSE it, there must be something wrong with you. This is figuratively, and literally, throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

I've been a journalist and I've been a full-time mum. I'm a bit of each at the moment. I'm also a single parent, and have been so since my kids were one and four. They are now 8 and 11 and well adjusted, bright, polite etc. Don't know what AP is, but kids need full-time care. I didn't want anyone else to do it. Why is it better to pay someone else minimum wage to look after your kids? I couldn't bear being away from them when they were tiny, and I consider that a good thing.

[empresspatti.livejournal.com]

I truly understand that women want to be many things besides Mothers, and I think that is a good thing.

BUT - if you have kids, your needs and desires are no longer the only or the most important element in the equation. I agree completely, kids need full time care - esp as they hit middle and high school. I've seen more than one kids skid off the rails because that is when Parents bail on their kids for jobs and vacations. Its a REALLY long term commitment, yes?

AND - what works well for one family isn't necessarily good for all humankind, so please quit preaching, yaknow? I'm always astounded by how hard women are on each other, when we should be supporting (or at least not judging) every choice a woman makes.

[botias.livejournal.com]

I agree completely, kids need full time care - esp as they hit middle and high school.

I agree. I've seen the same thing. It's been awhile, but I can still remember that the teen years were a tough, tough time. BtVS is all too accurate an analogy.

[prophecygirrl.livejournal.com]

Someone is wrong on the internet?!?!?!

*gasps*

*clutches pearls*


I think all of your points are well taken. That motherhood is *still* not valued enough in society is beyond infuriating.

And you know what else? I have a shiny new job pending, and the boy is in middle school, but it is still an overriding concern for me that they have not confirmed my request for flex time. I've been told that it's at the discretion of my manager, and she seems just that cool, but it's a nagging concern.

The fact that it's only 15 min away was an unbelievable plus for me, and I do NOT want to sacrifice time with him for anything in this world or any other. It's the reason I've worked part time and at home for so long when others have told me I was crazy. I think not.

I kind of miss the days when subordinating your own wishes for someone else's was considered laudable. Because it is.

[botias.livejournal.com]

Good luck on the flex time. :)

I kind of miss the days when subordinating your own wishes for someone else's was considered laudable.

I know! *dives back into Jane Austen fantasy land* I'm all for the notion that subordinating shouldn't be more expected of one sex than the other, but don't at all support the notion that no one should be doing much of any.

[kassto.livejournal.com]

Motherhood. Best thing I ever did. And continue to do.

[botias.livejournal.com]

Much agreement. Others' mileage may very, but I find it challenging and rewarding and the little suckers can be pretty entertaining besides.

[botias.livejournal.com]

P.S. Love your icon. I really enjoy Kevin Smith's Q&A sessions.

[kassto.livejournal.com]

Kevin is a lovely guy. Filthy, but with a heart of gold.

[timeofchange.livejournal.com]

I think attachment parenting was the best thing I ever did for my kid. And you know what? At 16, despite his neurological issues, he's smart, independent, polite, doesn't think the world revolves around him, listens to me and gives good advice when asked and doesn't breastfeed anymore (even though people suspected he would do so forever when I breastfed past 12 months).

[botias.livejournal.com]

AP has worked out well for me too. And yes, people predicted that my kids would be sleeping next to me forever. One thing I thought was kind of interesting about it is that none of my kids ever created a security object like a blankie. I would have thought it was an obligatory part of childhood, but it seems it's not.

[timeofchange.livejournal.com]

My son never created a security object, or used a pacifier. And he voluntarily left the family bed at about age 4 1/2, saying he was a big boy now and ready to sleep in his own room. He came back briefly when his dad moved out when he was 8, but it was a temporary thing and, I think, understandable.

Interestingly, he came to me at age 2 1/2 to tell me that he was done with diapers, and he was...never had an accident.

And, remember, this is a kid with fine and gross motor skill deficits, OCD tendencies, and severe anxiety caused by his neurological issues, not to mention other stuff that I won't bore you with.

I have found that he is very amenable to discussion, understands why I set limits and (usually) respects them (he is a teen-aged boy, after all), and seems to have a healthy eye-rolling ability. In other words, he's not some weird, over-attached kid. But, his eye-rolling and impatience with my adult cluelessness is gentle. He seems more amused than furious. I have to believe this has to do with always letting him know he has choices (all of which have various consequences, of course), and letting him know that I respect him and am proud of him.

Does he make bad decisions? Of course he does. He is still learning and developing. Does he need guidance? Absolutely. But my mantra has always been, "I am the adult...expect from him what is age-appropriate and what is realistic given his neurological limits, but offer him safe challenges to encourage him to take well-calculated risks and stretch himself whenever possible."

This is not how I was raised, btw.

[botias.livejournal.com]

He's so lucky to have you for a mama. Not because AP worked for you, but just because you respect him and are proud of him. Kudos for your hard work, too.