Amateur Pornography

I've read a few 'fic language I cannot stand' posts and they are often very funny, but intimidating too as a writer. It's too easy to lump all the responses together into an imaginary population of easily-squicked uber-readers who wear a lot of white and who perhaps should not be reading amateur pornography at all, but rather a 'Best Erotica of 2007' anthology, or perhaps browsing a nice coffee table book of shunga.

With sex scenes one can go porny, clinical, arty, Harlequin or biblical. Alas, there is no word for the cock/penis/electric arc/manhood/loins which will not win scorn from someone. And now I go back to work on my next blue alien overlord love scene.