Amateur Pornography

[botias]

I've read a few 'fic language I cannot stand' posts and they are often very funny, but intimidating too as a writer. It's too easy to lump all the responses together into an imaginary population of easily-squicked uber-readers who wear a lot of white and who perhaps should not be reading amateur pornography at all, but rather a 'Best Erotica of 2007' anthology, or perhaps browsing a nice coffee table book of shunga.

With sex scenes one can go porny, clinical, arty, Harlequin or biblical. Alas, there is no word for the cock/penis/electric arc/manhood/loins which will not win scorn from someone. And now I go back to work on my next blue alien overlord love scene.

Comments

[mere-ubu.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahaa! "Electric arc." I love you.

I'm thinking of bringing back the Victorian phrase "love's dribbling dart." I think it'll be huge. *dies*

[botias.livejournal.com]

"Electric arc" is an official arty descriptor, not an imitation. I pulled out a 'Best American' erotica anthology and searched diligently for it.

"love's dribbling dart" Oh, I think Lotor has one of those, definitely. LOL The term is almost irresistible; it's justification for writing a fic just to frame it properly.

[mere-ubu.livejournal.com]

Really?! Wow. That is arty. *whispers* I love you anyway.

[botias.livejournal.com]

I think it was even from a gay male perspective, the ultimate arty cliche. Many many descriptions from that one; the story was one big phallic fest. Something about curved like a cat frozen in the act of stretching... I don't think it's quite femininely correct for a woman to worship a penis that way these days.

[mere-ubu.livejournal.com]

Okay, the cat thing just undid me. *lol* Guys would be much more about the penis praise, I would imagine.

[devylish.livejournal.com]

love's dribbling dart sounds rather ... ummm unimpressive though... don't you think? Erh...rather, than spurting forth, or shooting forth.... or... 'loves' spearing dart' it... it, just 'dribbles'?

sounds like a viagra problem yes?

[botias.livejournal.com]

Yes, I was kidding. :D It does sound small and decrepit besides.

[bendy1.livejournal.com]

Squicks in porn really are squicks for me though. That wouldn't be in normal books or whatever?

No matter how much I love it and it hits all my kinks, if it says cum instead of come I cannot read it. Once I tried search and replace to change it to come, but it didn't work because cum was burned on my brain.

[botias.livejournal.com]

Your "search and replace" story made me laugh, though I am sure your pain was genuine.

I used to have a thing about the word 'decimate.' Technically it means to reduce by one tenth, but of course everyone uses it to mean to reduce by 9.999 tenths. I would experience distress every time I saw it used in the popular sense. I eventually got over it more or less. But, I like 'cum'. I find it has a vulgar, folksy charm, though I doubt I would ever use it myself.

[bendy1.livejournal.com]

It's a pain when I know I'd probably like the fic. There isn't enough Lex fic anyway, you'd think I'd just swallow it.

*weeps*

I mostly read humour fic, so 'purple veined monster' and other cheesy stuff doesn't bother me. Cum reminds me of the eighties for some reason. Maybe I read too many Letters to Penthouse.

[botias.livejournal.com]

There's so much Spike fic out there that I guess I just thought all fandoms enjoyed the same bounty. But I'm discovering that's not the case. *hands you a handkerchief*

I can see how too many Penthouse Forum letters would probably ruin the word.

[mere-ubu.livejournal.com]

*whispers* I once did a search and replace to swap "dick" for "cock." It's just sexier. "Dick" is more like "asshat" to me. Not sexay!

[botias.livejournal.com]

'Dick' was the popular term when I was in elementary school, along with 'wiener'. I think perhaps it ruined it for me forever.

[mere-ubu.livejournal.com]

Yep. Like it's brother in lameness "dong," it evokes naught but the schoolyard for me.

[bendy1.livejournal.com]

Oh I love dick! I was like that about it for ages but then I read a Spander where Xander was 'great at dicking' and it changed and suddenly became hot.

Um... when I say I love dick...

[mere-ubu.livejournal.com]

Ah, don't we all. ;)

"Dicking" certainly has its place, and that place usually seems to be Spander. Hnnnh. I got no problems with it as a verb.

[bendy1.livejournal.com]

Xander's fanfiction penis is very talented! Mmm.. *wanders off to find old skool spander*

[mere-ubu.livejournal.com]

Hee! Upon further happy reflection on the collected works of Anna S., I'm prepared to say that I am Definitely Down with Dicking. *wanders off to Cafe Press to make t-shirt*

[botias.livejournal.com]

eh, when you have two boys together, elementary school terminology doesn't seem quite so inappropriate anymore maybe. :)

[devylish.livejournal.com]

well, and honestly... if you're a
Veronica Mars fan as I am....There's Dick Casablancas.... who refuses to be called Richard.

He knows he is a dick in the jerk sense of the word (hmmm there's innuendo there toooooo!)... AND he is proud of his 'dick' just embracing the word (and the love noodle) all around.

and hee hee... love noodle is a term my friends and i use lol.

[botias.livejournal.com]

Love noodle seems very sweet and affectionate. :)

[wolff-slaven.livejournal.com]

I think 'cock' is the best term for it ^_^

[botias.livejournal.com]

I would have to say I agree. It doesn't seem like a good fit for my L/A fic, but I use it in my Buffy fic.

[timeofchange.livejournal.com]

Hee. Reading the entire series of comments had me laughing out loud. So much fun!

[botias.livejournal.com]

cock/penis/electric arc/manhood/loins talk is always fun :D

Pet Names for Genitalia

[kyence.livejournal.com]

This thread made me think of this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7YBZVPzWP8

"There's always something silly about Little Willy."

Purple Helmeted Warrior

[botias.livejournal.com]

It may be a myth that the Inuit have 100 words for snow, but we seem to have almost that many for penis. ;)