Fan fic sex stuff

[botias]

I keep reading Spuffy kisses that go something this:

*snog* *snog*

OMG Buffy thinks, Spike doesn't have to come up for air like EVAR.

But I do! *gasp!*

Am I doing the kissing thing wrong? I can usually manage to breath during. It's like doing the breast stroke, but a lot more fun. And you're not underwater at any time.

And Spike is always biting Buffy with his 'blunt human teeth'. Now I understand that Spike has more than one set, bless his fangy little heart, but... this dentition description is really starting to leap out at me.

And what about the swallowing/deep throat combo. Buffy can't breath while kissing, but she can swallow around Spike's inevitably generous endowment. I just did an experiment, and I can swallow around my own thumb in only 2 tries out of 10. I just don't know.

Comments

[rahirah]

Hmm. I just tried it, and I have no trouble swallowing around my thumb. (I just have to work up enough spit to do it.) OTOH, I have a hyperactive gag reflex, and somehow fic!Buffy never has to worry about that, either...

[botias.livejournal.com]

You're right about the working up lots of spit. It's increased my success rate to 100%! :D

fic!Buffy does have 133t pr0n ski11z. It is an eloquent testament to her varied and exciting sex life with Riley...

[rahirah]

Fic!Bufffy doubtless doesn't have to worry about spit, since fic!Spike is an ever-flowing fountain of tastes-great-less-filling come. Pardon me. Cum.

[botias.livejournal.com]

Now I have this image of Spike renting himself out as a buffet drink fountain. (Tastes like fine champagne!) I must get some sleep. I kind of like the 'cum' spelling actually. Seems nice and earthy and colloquial and stuff.

[owenthurman.livejournal.com]

Am I doing the kissing thing wrong?

You're worried that real life experience might not be as accurate as fanfic now? I'm worried that real life might not be as accurate as teevee since I never seem to move my head back and forth so much in a kiss as teevee people do.

I can usually manage to breath during. It's like doing the breast stroke, but a lot more fun. And you're not underwater at any time.

Unless you want to be underwater, of course. I've never made the completely submerged thing work myself. Gave up and went back to partially submerged after a few tries. Maybe without the chlorine we'd have tried more.

As for all the swallowing experiments, I'm worried what my wife might think reading over my shoulder, ladies. Think your thumbs may be longer than mine...

[botias.livejournal.com]

Yes, I worry about this all the time. Why isn't my sex life As Seen on TV? Picture me with a 50's do, frowning and tapping my pursed lips w/index finger. ;)

I had a feeling you'd probably crop up since I mentioned water and sexuality in the same post. No worries, man. We all have our kinks.

[beanbeans.livejournal.com]

You've made me giggle madly, woman.

This kiss icon is for you, darlin'. :P

[botias.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you Beans!

[danaid-luv.livejournal.com]

*blinking* I found my way here three friends removed, I believe, and may I say this might be the funniest post I've read in a week. *chuckling*

Thank you!