(no subject)

[botias]

Reading Material:	Ecology of the Planted Aquarium by Diana Walstad
	Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling
	+ asst. romance novels and children's books

I've often thought that I would like to emulate people whom I observe to be much the same person no matter what the company. (I think I've picked up a bit of Mr. Franklin's flavor.) I've seen many people that take on different personas with 'the guys', their S.O., their boss, etc. It must be more specific than that though. Someone could be the same happy asshole to all of the above and not fit the requirements. I think it's more to do with treating everyone in their sphere with some minimum respect; not pandering to the boss nor abusing the waiter, knowing and being who they are rather than acting cool. The only examples that come immediately to mind are male. I'm not certain if it's because such individuals stand out more among men, or if my evaluation of women is something else entirely. Something to think about another time.

Comments

[elynne.livejournal.com]

I'd guess that it has to do with different evaluations for women. Heh, after going off on you about that Women from Venus, Men from Mars book, now I'm talking about gender differences and how they affect relationships. :p But I've noticed that while I've always had a very easy time making male freinds, I've always felt... somewhat uncomfortable around most females. There are few females who don't set this feeling off, and they're always a specific type, roughly the "butch dyke," in appearance at least. If I detect even a hint of "femme" traits, I get jumpy.

violetvixen was hard for me to get used to; she wears pants about as often as I wear skirts (so rarely that when it happens it startles people), she knows how to put on makeup for something other than a goth club, she can walk in high heels, and she likes these things. She is, in appearance, completely femme. In demeanor, she's Uber-butch. I went with her to get her car checked over for registration a couple of years ago, and on the way the car began steaming (or smoking) from the engine. She pulled over, popped the hood, grabbed a pack of tools, and began mucking around with the engine, wearing her leopard-print form-fitting dress. Meanwhile I'm standing there in my usual jeans-and-sweatshirt outfit, looking over her shoulder at what to me was an incomprehnsible, utterly filthy, intimidating maze of car parts. I joked to her that for all that most people assume that I'm the butch in our relationship (which is a false assumption on several layers, but anyway), she's vastly more butch than I am. ;)

That's helped me to deal with other femme females, as well - wondering which of them kickboxes, or fixes cars, or knows carpenting or plumbing. Many (most?), of course, would rather die than break a nail or smear the makeup, but it helps to have that uncertainty in my mind when I'm dealing with them, makes me feel less intimidated somehow.

And this is the kind of rambling I do before the coffee's kicked in.

[botias.livejournal.com]

You're probably right. I could also do an about face now and go into to my pet theory about how women not liking 'nice' guys is no different than what guys do, but I think I've probably already inflicted it on you.
I like the femme stuff, but I've accepted that I'm just too lazy and fond of my own comfort. My past has been punctuated by brief spurts of effort, quickly dissipated. If I was 'looking', or had career ambitions, or if Alan showed some particular enthusiasm for the look, it might be different but...
I understand what you mean though. We've long been conditioned to expect cruelty from those who put stock in outward appearances. I've observed too that not everyone who makes fashion their hobby looks down on people who don't. I imagine that suspending judgement probably has an added bonus of fending off attitude from the other kind. Wariness or hostility probably clicks so-inclined people into bully mode, that might otherwise save it for easier pickings.